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I read this article sent to me from www.soul journey.com and thought it was fantastic. When deciding to include it on this web site I couldn't decide whether I should put it in the soul connection section or relationship. The soul connection is a transforming relationship because of its very nature. However the point the author makes in this article is that every relationship is transforming. It is the nature of relationship.
Transforming Relationships
Often people have the impression that every relationship that
doesn’t ‘work’ can be fixed. We cannot fix what is not broken.
When it comes to relationships we must address and meet the
challenges. In this way, the relationship will change.
We go
around with the expectation that if we are not happy all the time
in a relationship then there is either something
wrong with
ourselves or something wrong with the other. Usually we think it
is the other.
We need to understand that if there is a relationship there is
going to be a challenge, which is primarily to fulfill the purpose
of the relationship. We need to try to determine what that is.
Even if we cannot answer that challenge, we can at least do
two
other things which all relationships require: determine what we
are to learn through the challenges of the relationship,
and what
we need to give of a noble, healing nature that the other and the
relationship requires.
The purpose of relationships is not comfort or pleasure. The
purpose of relationships is transformation.
And transformation
always requires learning, service and commitment. This implies
profound change
which we frequently resist.
If your relationship is difficult you have a wonderful
opportunity to learn exactly what you need to learn.
You also
have something to give that you need to give. Relationships are
always a challenge to our selfishness.
They challenge us to give
and share in a sacrificial way. They are the primary pathway to
soul consciousness because
they demand relating at a soul level.
They are difficult only at a personality level because we face
the demand to become
the other in order to love them, which
teaches us to become the other within ourselves – the soul, the
source of true love.
Relationships invite us to connect at a soul level. When we do
that we call it commitment. Commitment requires that we
understand that no relationship can be happy all the time. When
we commit ourselves to another we promise that we will
enter the
light of the other’s being and rejoice in it, and we also promise
that we will enter into the darkness of the other
and feel the
pain that is there. In fact the whole point of completely giving
ourselves to others and to love is so that the
darkness can be
enlightened and the pain can be used for deepening compassion. If
you allow yourself to be manipulate
or victimized in a
relationship there can be no commitmentThe urge and decision for commitment
must be based on the
perception of Beauty which touches your soul, resonating with the
Beauty within yourself.
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THE WALL
In both relationships and life, trust begets trust.....
Generosity
begets generosity. ....
Love begets
love. ....
That was
today’s message from the Universe that was delivered into my mailbox. I love
the principle of this but wonder about how realistic those beliefs really are.
Neither trust, love nor the returning of generosity can exist between two
people if one of them chooses to erect walls to stand between you. When you
stand before an unmoving solid wall, you can continue to pour out love and
generosity but it will have the same effect as if you were literally pouring
buckets of water against a well constructed brick wall. Nothing will happen. In
the circle of thought around the power of manifestation the emphasis is often
put on the belief that you can manifest and the importance of continuing to
try. I find this theory falls short when it comes to manifesting relationships
and friendships. To a certain extent I believe that trust begets trust however there
is also the internal component of trust. By that I mean that it is within the
power of a person to allow for the reconditioning of their ability to trust
others once their trust has been eroded. Outside forces can at best influence
but cannot change a person’s level of trust in another. The question
should arise within yourself as to how long and how hard you are willing to try
to establish a relationship or friendship with someone who continually keeps
you at a distance. If you have made your intentions clear to another person as
to what you desire from them, there should be no further need to constantly
rehash the subject. How much effort becomes detrimental to your self esteem
when you get to a point where you arealmost begging someone to befriend you?
If someone continues to make it clear
to you that they don’t care to develop a closer bond with you, to share common
interests and to intermingle your lives in any way except perhaps in the most
minimalist of ways, it may be time to ask yourself what the point of the
experience is. Friendships and relationships are the feel good aspects of your
life. There is a lot of fun and joy in sharing time with people who make you
laugh, with whom you can talk about your favorite subjects, and just enjoy
doing mundane things. Enjoying the company of mutual friend’s and each others
friends is also a bonding experience which is a healthy aspect to any kind of
relationship. It is in the blending of our unique life experiences that we are
able to broaden our outlooks on life and learn new ways of enjoying life. When
walls are up they are purposely hiding the life that lies behind them. The why
of it may never be revealed to you and is actually irrelevant to the overall
message to you. You cannot open the door of someone’s heart when they choose to
keep you locked out. It’s hard for us to accept that no matter how much you
extend yourself to some, you just don’t matter that much to them. Love, trust
and generosity. Great concepts that could use some perspective.
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Honoring Yourself
The key to any successful relationship whether it be romance oriented or not, is to honor yourself. By honoring yourself you set a standard of behavior that is acceptable to you and will allow for healthy growth to take place between two people. Often times, people set separate standards for what they will tolerate in a relationship versus a friendship. Some people set higher standards for a romantic partner than they do for a friend, others do the opposite. Standards for ANY relationship that you engage in should be the same. All relationships are about give and take and require a fairly equal exchange of effort. I say fairly because sometimes one must carry more than the other for a bit of time and vice versa. The point here is that in the end it evens out. When one person is continually carrying the bulk of the work of a relationship it puts things out of balance and sends the wrong message to the other person. Compromise and honesty are two other important frameworks that build a good relationship. As you read this you may well be thinking that you already KNOW this. Perhaps we do in theory, but often times we don't actually practice it. We are afraid to ask for our share of love, respect and work that is so integral to any relationship out of fear of rejection by the other person. If that turns out to be the case then perhaps you were engaged in the wrong relationship. A good relationship requires very little work. The bond is there and things take off immediately. It will flow effortlessly and be a truly energizing experience. The work comes in when a misunderstanding arises between you, as it inevitably will. It is here that your willingness to respect another's point of view and to accept that they may never be in total agreement with you is put to the test. This should not diminish the bond that exists between you but instead deepen it. Differences deepening a bond? Yes, because having differences is an acknowledgment of the uniqueness of each other. Conflict shows us that we can have a oneness between us yet still understand that we are both individuals outside of our commonality. In returning to the closeness of the relationship after a conflict, the relationship is actually stronger than it was prior to the conflict for a variety of reasons. First and foremost is that the fact that two people have both chosen to try to make their way back to each other showing the desire and recognition in both of them that this was a worthwhile relationship. They both show respect and appreciation for what the other gives to them. They have achieved true equality and a new found sense of freedom. They now know that they can hit a wall and help each other up and over it. It is from this point that they can really relax and enjoy each other as they did before without the fear of failure. The soul seeks to learn a lesson and the rewards from having learned it are why we are here in the first place and that is to live, to laugh, and to share our lives with our kindred spirits.
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Possessiveness in Relationships
Insecurity leads to possessiveness and becomes a source of conflict within a relationship that can lead to the seeds of destruction. When it comes to relationships it is important to keep your individuality and not be lost in the union. A good relationship offers the closeness and unity that only the two of you can share and at the same time allows for independence within the relationship. Destructive relationships exist between people where one partner's insecurities lead the other partner to have to account for their time, explain their relationships with those of the opposite sex, constantly reassure the other of their importance and generally be "on guard" when it comes to how they relate to others. The insecure partner will take the opportunity to put a stamp of "possession" on the other making sure everyone else knows that their partner belongs to them. This is not a healthy trend and it only worsens after marriage when the guard can be let down. Contrary to what one might think, things get worse after making the "ultimate commitment" to the insecure person because now that individual can exhibit the fullness of their insecurity which will lead to jealous fighting and unreasonable demands in an effort to finally control the actions of the other person. Beware of the false promise of "once we get married things will be different because I'll know that we are a committed couple and I can relax and things will be great" Entrapment. This is not a union. A union does not require a piece of paper to be strong. In a healthy union between two people there is an understanding of who the other is and what their needs are and acceptance of those needs. There is trust in the bond and therefore no sense of urgency to "move it to the next level" because they are already at that level. Each person must deal with their personal insecurities separately before they will be able to be a full person capable of forming a healthy relationship with another. Until these insecurities are dealt with they will continue to repeat the same unhealthy patterns in every relationship in which they engage. Many times I will have a client ask me why they attract the same kind of person all the time. It's because they have not learned the lesson and healed themselves so they repeat the pattern of hooking up with the same type of person over and over and having the same unsatisfying relationship experiences. Needy and clingy are words that are often used by clients to describe relationships that have failed in the past. They would be wise to look deeper within themselves to see why they keep attracting needy, clingy, possessive people into their lives. It could be that these types satisfy a misguided need to be wanted within themselves. What follows is a brief list of red flags to look out for when in a relationship.
Beware of the overconfident person. The one who claims how strong they are how much they have grown to overcome hardships etc. If one truly has accomplished this they don't have to constantly remind others about it. Instead there is a quiet confidence in knowing who you are and what you have accomplished and sharing this experience is one that is done in the right moment.
Beware of the person who will bend over backwards to please you. Although this can be quite flattering, it underlies an innate insecurity that will come back to haunt you down the line when you are subject to the wrath of not appreciating all they have done for you. A healthy person will not give away all their power in a relationship but instead seek a balance of give and take. A healthy person gives without expecting to receive. When you are in a healthy relationship you will receive.
Beware of how someone speaks of their ex partner. Where it can certainly be true that the ex was not a good person, keep in mind that it takes two to have a relationship and for someone to stay in a relationship with a person that is destructive in some way speaks volumes about the "victim." If it was so bad why did they remain? When one makes themselves the "victim" they are looking for the other to be a "villain" in everyone else's eyes and therefore take the responsibility away from themselves. Excuse like I couldn't leave because of finances or the children are just that, excuses. Chances are that healing from the past has not taken place and they are simply looking to attach to another out of fear of being alone so they will bring their baggage into your relationship.
When you let go of the fear of being alone and celebrating your life as it is today, you will find that the next relationship you are involved with will give you the satisfaction you have been looking for all along. All it takes is for you to believe, in yourself.
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Speaking Your Truth
When one hears the words "speak your truth" the first thing that comes to mind is to tell it like it is when communicating with others. Absolutely correct! However, the concept of "speaking your truth" goes beyond being forthright with dealing with others. It also applies to being honest with yourself. If people are hesitant to speak their truth with others, they are even more afraid to delve into their own truth and this leads to many of the difficulties a person encounters in their adult lives. Once we are no longer children, we are free to choose how we want to handle our truths. Problems become magnified when we hide from what is true for us. These problems can manifest themselves into depression, excessive drinking or other addictive behaviors as we seek to hide our truth. In reality there are no real addictions other than the addiction of fear which can lead to addictive behavior. I read an interesting article that pointed out that some who suffer from depression are people surpressing their psychic abilities. It's interesting to know that we all have physic abilities it's a matter of how well developed they are and how much you choose to develop them. Just as the mind needs to be developed and fed knowledge, so the spirit needs to grow and express. If spirit is surpressed (especially when it is older in experience such as the higher life paths) depression is manifested and from there ego is in control, and with ego comes fear. The only way to break the cycle is through the search for your truth. Once you allow the truth into your consciousness, abundance will flow into your life as you draw to yourself that which your soul truly desires. The law of attraction works whether you choose to draw negative or positive things into your life and if you are in a place of negative, those are the experiences and people you will draw to yourself. A caution here is to be wary of people who have the characteristics of being very positive, upbeat, sweet, exuberant etc. When one displays such super wonderful qualities to all, they are in the process of selling themselves both to themselves and to others. In truth, they suffer from many hidden wounds. They are in the same place as the outwardly negative person, the approach is different. A person who has spoken the truth to themselves exudes an outward calm and possesses an inward joy. You can feel their sense of peace and see how they live their life in balance. These people also have an innate acceptance of others with no demands made on others to fit certain expectations. Their motto may well be "live and let live" but they are also willing to assist if asked.
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Beware of The Fortress of Solitude
Superman used to go to what was called his fortress of solitude when he needed to figure things out. It was a place where he could have a time out from the world around him and think about some solutions to various problems facing him. In relationships there are times when people need a time out. It could be to think about the relationship or it could be something entirely different. The important thing is that if a person needs a time out it should be respected. I would go so far as to say that no explanation is required as to why it's needed. The other person would need to trust and respect the decision. The most important component of this and how it relates to effective communication in a relationship of any kind, is for the actual words to be spoken. Those four simple words "I need time out." Simple, yet says it all and forestalls any possible miscommunication of intent and therefore will save a lot of grief and anxiety on all sides. Without the actual words spoken things can get a bit complicated on all sides. Contrary to the popular quote "actions speak louder than words" actions can be confusing and sometimes unwittingly hurtful. That is of course unless you already have a system in place with each other such as the posting of the three flags. Seeing the red flag tells the other to not even attempt to communicate with the person, the yellow flag says approach but with EXTREME caution and of course the green flag is a thumbs up. Said "flags" can be posted outside your door, on your myspace under moods or however you and your partner agree to get the message across. The actual speaking the words "I need space" with the understanding that when I am done needing my space I will contact you, should be enough. In the meantime, it is a given that when the words are spoken to the other, the other person involved knows that "space" means not just no phone calls, but no texts, e-mails, letters, visits etc (unless there is death involved). Unfortunately many people expect their partners to be able to "read" the situation, to take the hint etc. The only way to effective communication is to actually talk to the person and say what is on your mind. If you don't, it leads to a great deal of upheaval in a relationship where there didn't have to be any. The person who needs the time out resents the other one for continuing to bug them while the other person senses something is not right and attempts to reach out thus making things worse but not knowing they were. If the person knew the harm they were causing to the relationship, an apology backed up by the non action desired by the other would patch things up. The person needing the space should understand that the other didn't mean to persist, they just didn't get the implied message and needed to hear the words. So, if you are caught up in something like this please communicate effectively and be sure and not hesitate to apologize for your part in it and that means both of you. In a good relationship it's not about blame it's about taking your share. No one has to "win" you both just have to understand and to forgive, after all there are times when everyone needs their fortress of solitude....
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Horoscope and Relationships
When I am about to start a tarot reading for a client they will often ask me if I need their dates of birth and that of their partner. I never use them in my readings preferring to only look at the relationship as is. I don't want the astrological influence to influence how I read my cards. When I do find out later what the signs of each are I am seldom surprised. In astrology there are four types of sun signs there are the Air signs: Aquarius, Gemini, Libra. The Earth Signs: Capricorn, Taurus, Virgo. The Water Signs: Pieces, Cancer, Scorpio and the Fire Signs: Sagittarius, Aries, Leo.
Generally speaking, Air signs get along BEST with other air signs. This is because both people are on the same page as far as emotional stability, independence and tolerance of differences. The Air signs can appreciate the fire and passion of the Fire signs but a little can go a long way! The Water signs for the Air signs are the worst as this type can be very emotional, manipulative, clingy and demanding. It s hard for them to understand the freedom and occasional solitude the air sign craves. Where at first this union can look to be attractive because after all opposites attract, in time it can be wearing and too turbulent as people cannot choose their nature.
Earth signs can generally get on very well with the Water signs being more grounded than air and able to tolerate and even enjoy the emotional side of the Water sign. Earth signs and Air signs are pretty good together as well as the Earth grounds the Air and the Air lends excitement to the Earth.
In tarot the suits are assigned to each of the elements and can be applied to the signs in the horoscope so a general rule of thumb is this. You will always get along with your own element because you have an innate understanding of each other. The Air and Fire signs are best suited and the Water and Earth signs are best suited. So Air will not get along with Water and Earth for example as there is an innate conflict.
So you see when you meet someone new and ask "What's Your Sign?" it's not such a crazy question after all! It can help you avoid a lot of problems down the line because people's traits don't change. You may reach a temporary fix but in the end an emotional person will always be emotional, a fiery person will always be fiery etc.
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